I was asked by a new friend of ours yesterday,
“When you’re on a day-off and you're cooking for people, doesn’t it feel like a bit of a busman’s holiday?”
My response was as many may expect…
“No, I love it and if I being entirely honest it is my first love. It makes me happy”
She smiled and tucked into the cottage pie I made with what appeared to be real enjoyment.
(FYI - I believe good stock, HP Sauce, Worcestershire Sauce and extra caramelised Carrots, Onions & Celery, added to ‘Previous Day’ mince makes the perfect Cottage Pie, if you were wondering…)
Then a further idea sprung forth from my mouth, before I could even stop it. Some may be expecting something crude here, but even it surprised me with its sincerity;
“If I’m being honest Mel, it’s the only way I know how to make friends. It’s cooking for people…”
She smiled again
“Well Andy, consider me your friend”,
my soul continues to smile about this!
Her 4-month old baby in her arms, gurgling and before me I see a mother with the look of someone not entirely upset with her early evening supper, she carried on eating, smiling, relaxing and chatting.
It made me feel happy just to hear it, the look of enjoyment made it more meaningful.
In distinctly ironic fashion our 4 year olds, with whom we were sat with at the table were abjectly disgusted with my cooking. So much so, that they run away to watch Ocoto-Patrol, Blue-pi or some other mind-rotting, seizure inducing drivel and ate a banana each.
Further rumination follows overnight and as I pace my way to the train station the following morning for work, I come to a realisation I was ill prepared for, I’m simultaneously happy, melancholic, insecure, nostalgic and proud all at the same time.
For a large part of my childhood and teenage years – I felt entirely unlikeable; the kind of feeling that slowly and fundamentally changes you as a person. It creates a level of self-doubt and self-loathing where you wonder,
“Will anyone ever, actually like me for me?”
The years from 8 to 18 – that ME; was entirely obsessed with Food, Drink, Hospitality and making people happy with food.. And in the late 90’s to 00’s it was not the cool ice-breaker that it is in your 20’s/30’s, and certainly not in the way it is considered cool now in the Instagram & Tik-Tok generation.
Fortunately, I knew that I would be loved; Mum, Dad, Jim and my extended family had seen to that but I did for many years feel like I was fundamentally unlikeable.
It is a weird place to exist in life where the thing you are so entirely passionate about and devoted to might never be considered “cool” but then again, was that the environment, the time and the place I lived in?
As you can imagine, a traditional boarding school at that time was not replete with practical cookery lessons. However, I found my nuggets (pun intended) of enjoyment in teaching prep-school students how to make biscuits a few times a year and my housemaster allowed me to cook my first 3 course meal for 48 students at the age of 15 in the boarding house’s commercial kitchen.
But I left school with very little in the way of friends to keep in touch with, we all meet up now and then; they are lovely blokes but it was the years from 19 to now, where food and friendship finally clicked for me.
(DISCLAIMER – I did actually enjoy school, loved learning and do not regret anything for a minute! My passion for building things, history, arguing and cricket all come that profoundly enjoyable education.)
I have overwhelmingly fond memories sitting in my halls of residence at university having cooked Sausage and Mash for Matt, Jay & JT; whilst we discussed the merits of another marathon all-course showdown of Mario Kart on the N64.
(I routinely would finish 4th, as I didn’t really like video games but loved being a part of it)
I remember cooking Spaghetti Bolognese for the Interns on Hilton Head Island, everyone being grateful and thankful for a home cooked meal as we were so far from our families. It left me with the warm and fuzzies. It was at this moment, in hindsight, I found my place, my belonging, my people.
(Ironically that warm sensation was short lived - Three cases of bud light and three hours later down at the beach, I revisited my Bolognese which, somehow resembled bright orange road-warning paint, erupting from me like the exorcist. I still regret nothing!)
I have cooked for and served at weddings, funerals, engagements, break-ups, baby-shower’s, hen parties, road trips, barbecues, raves, stag parties, reunions, Christmases, New Years and not to mention the 20 years of career; I remember and cherish all of them and feel immense joy at creating those memories for my friends.
So, when I realised that all this time what I have found most enjoyable in life is making friends with food and drink. I now, more than ever, hope that I get to cook for as many of you as possible in this life because that experience of sitting round a table and sharing a meal is for me what life is about and has afforded me friends like no others!
And for which a substantial part of my childhood I did not think would materialise for me.
Come around for a meal sometime, we will have a great time, you might even hear another poo story…
Love
Goose
PS – It might be the 2nd hardest question after “I would like a pay rise please”
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