I follow an endurance athlete on Instagram and YouTube, he’s just finished running the entire length of Africa, which is frankly ridiculous…
He’s been at it for 340+ days and in one of his videos he is asked how he maintains discipline [I hear focus here] on a challenge which for a long time has no fixed end date or frame of reference.
His answer is simple, almost poetic and filled with an undeniable truth for me…
“I am super disciplined on this one particular element of my life which means I just have to be ok with not being disciplined on other parts of my life."
...
"I wouldn’t want to give off the impression I’m super disciplined in all aspects of my life, but if something is super important to you, then sacrificing other elements of your life is ok”
This sparked a moment that almost made me vibrate!
Yeah, enjoy trying to get an image of a vibrating Ginger Donut out of your mind...
For me it’s realising that I can’t be everything all of the time and beating myself up about it
I am currently focusing on something that is hard, terrifying, challenging, difficult and hopefully worth it and that’s my career…
But at moments I am wondering if the juice is worth the squeeze or if I am sacrificing too much? I ultimately don’t think I am but I am inevitably caught in a feedback loop of
“too much or not enough”
My career is singular, albeit it not without its eccentricities. However, I was sat with a friend and I admitted that I have a not inconsiderable amount of imposter syndrome at times; for which I hope I am not alone.
His answer (much like the video) was chilling as it was insightful;
“No one could ever suggest that Andy Bloomer isn’t good at his job or a hard-enough worker; a fair criticism would be that you have maybe lacked the attention span [to really deliver on that potential]”
I will almost always be a 'Too Much or Not Enough' person maybe that's just my programming...
FYI – This friend is one of three people who could tell me something a brutal as this and not only do I not feel upset about it, I find myself comforted by the honesty.
And there it is in a nutshell the conundrum, the quizzical pickle, THE difficult question
Discipline vs Life; can it really be possible to manage all those increasingly difficult factors that can make life and work incompatible?
My worry / apprehension centres around the reality that I cannot be all the things I that I want to be, to all of the people I need to be, all of the time.
So many factors are impacted by my current focus [discipline] around work but ultimately do I think the time spent doing what I love (and hope I am good at) is worth the time and energy.
I feel sincere Dad guilt (a topic for another blog) about not being around enough for my wife and son
I feel shame that I don’t see my mum enough
I want to be there for my brother and his family when they need me
I want to visit my best friends new born
I want to play with my god-children
I wish for meals round a table with friends and family
I hope that one day, soon all of these things become true, as often as possible.
But here is my truth; the undeniable reality of my situation – I need [and want] to focus on what is right in front of me at the moment because I think it might be the best conscious decision I have made in years.
I can balance my life when needed, I have a supportive wife and a loving family, plenty of friends who understand how important my success is at the moment.
I have sadly not written enough in the last 9 weeks, I am sat on a plane finishing this whilst I day dream of cocktails on the beach in the Caribbean, I have struggled with not being able to focus on more things at once.
Maybe all I needed was a good holiday, maybe that’s the truth...
Focus can only be for a finite amount of time before you need a rest – I know I couldn’t do 340+ days of running Africa but we all have our own journeys to take, perspective feels like a wonderful thing right now as this is the first piece of creativity I have felt in months.
Hopefully to all of those who read this and feel the same I hope you feel the relief of a problem shared and maybe think about a holiday...
Much Love
Goose
PS - I am ready to write much more content now! So be ready for weekly updates!
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