The last 6 weeks have been an extended lesson in “letting go” - at the end of October my wife had a stroke at the age of 37; quite the world changing event as it goes.
I’ve done almost too much crying in the last 6 weeks – I’ve cried because
I was scared
I was angry
I was happy
I’m afraid of what the future might hold for us
It hurt and I couldn’t make it better
I was confused
I was worried
I thought I was going to be single parent
The last meal we ate in a restaurant together was a terrible roast dinner
TV medical dramas give you no real idea of what life saving medical treatment is really like
My son told me that he drew a picture of a Snake T-Rex for mummy because “that is a better and hungrier dinosaur than a normal T-Rex”
All of the above feels pretty normal to me… given the abnormal circumstances
After two and half years of COVID trials and tribulations we had felt that our life was finally feeling on-track. We were settled in a new home, our son was thriving in a nursery he loved, the dog was enjoying the delights of a more rural setting and whilst we could do with more time with our extended families, we were happy. Professionally our jobs were fulfilling, if a little stressful at times but we had more time together than we ever had before and were relishing the idea of a four to five-year renovation plan on our house, some holidays and numerous meals around our dining table.
BUT then at the end of October – life throws you a metaphorical googly (for those of you not familiar with cricketing terminology, I say; “Why are we friends?”)
AND it expects you to deal with it accordingly – poignantly and rather conveniently we come to the idea of Work-Life Balance as it’s been a subject on my mind a lot recently.
The phrase ‘Work-Life Balance’ – is very often used by the preachy-ist and most pious to extoll the virtues of both sides of a difficult coin to balance …
THE OPPOSING VIEWS are simplified below…by me and without a dictionary for help.
You should work often and hard; this creates value in yourself and the business you run; this in turn will demonstrate dedication and inspire those around you. Q.E.D (quod erat demonstrandum) your business will be more successful. You will be personally successful and the money you earn can provide some semblance of order and security to you / your family. A simplified version of what many in the boomer generation prescribe as the correct way to do things.
(THIS DOES COME WITH A ’BUILDING YOUR OWN BUSINESS’ EXEMPTION; WHICH IS ANOTHER ARTICLE ALTOGETHER)
OR
Work is simply a function of a greater life that you lead; you can be successful in work and life as long as you manage the two component parts actively and allow for both to have space in your life without monopolising the sum of the parts… i.e. when you’re on holiday you switch off and when you’re on your days off you stick to those rules of “work is work and home is home and never the twain shall meet” This will provide you with greater meaningful experiences which you will never regret.
Modern work dynamics have embraced and rightly so the idea of balance. It is crucial to longevity and development of a modern work force. Your employees will be dynamic at work and your retention will be high but balanced so as to ensure new and innovative ideas and processes.
All of this is fairly well appreciated and true but for one incontrovertible truth;
Life just gets in the way constantly and with very little care for your plans.
Normally, the last 6 weeks and next 4 weeks would be the busiest time of the year for me and the same for many other hospitality & retail businesses. I would feel driven to spend extra time and pour over extra reporting to try and understand the smallest of changes to be made to maximise returns. I would spend more time with frontline teams serving customers and acting like a bespectacled gopher ensuring my staff had everything they needed to be successful.
I would hold on for dear life and work tirelessly to ensure my team would see me and feel my presence; I would demand more of myself than ever and feel comfortable with it as I am the boss; and I make that choice internally for my own reasons.
BUT
I have not been there for the majority of these days – only 8 in the last 6 weeks and will be only around for 12 days of the next 4 weeks…
I am a control freak but understanding my limitations and my value to the business at this time has been key to recognising how much I have come to trust my team around me and how valuable my support structure is at work. I simply cannot be there and have to trust that the hours of planning and the time we have all spent together in the last two years will be enough to get them through this busy season.
I have felt many complex emotions about my time away from work – a lot of them have been around the idea of letting people down, being a failure and my own inadequacies. A very wise lady gave me some advice on Friday;
“I need to be kinder to myself”
She is of course right; I have to also trust that my team are good enough (which they are) and that our plans are resilient enough to cope without me (almost certainly).
Knowing everything that has happened up to now; I am so very proud of what we have achieved and continue to achieve. It may not be as perfect as I would like it but ‘Letting Go’ of those negative feelings and revelling in the business we have built so far has made my life away from work immeasurably better.
Being given time and space to deal with something like this is crucial and without it I could have done more harm to my home life and work life. I don’t have any more words for how to deal with stress or whether I have done the right things in this time away but to all those people who have stepped up, stepped in, supported us and continue to do so I want to say - Thank You, it means everything to us as a family.
For those of you in the trenches in hospitality & retail at the moment, I have no wise words other than look after yourself and be kind to yourself as often as possible. Know that whilst it may feel like everything is resting upon your shoulders, from experience there is always someone willing to talk and help.
Whilst the road to recovery for my wife is long and her progress so far has been inspirational, without that time away and perspective I would be useless to both sides of my life and she along with my son are more important than any metric like Spend Per Visitor or Hourly Takings - it just took this event to make that really clear to me.
This process of letting go will hopefully come with a profound change in my life; I was working too much, I wasn’t maximising all of my home life and I am more than capable of doing my job without over working or being a control freak. It does however require patience, understanding and being committed to working effectively in the right time and place which, will be a challenge for me but i am ultimately more excited than ever by it all.
I am thankful that this story has a happy ending and I can say with absolute certainty that life is too short not to make the most of both sides of the coin.
All my love
Goose
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