I can already hear people frothing at the mouth and the preparation of the ritualistic floggings but I think we should all understand why this is an undeniable truth.
The modern pub, not the pub of old, not the pub of yore, not the pub of movies and TV shows. I’m talking real life pubs of Britain they have become in many ways poorer for modernisation and lack what used to make them great…
There three overwhelming categories;
The Local Boozer - which is inherently still great but is disappearing quicker than accountability in Government PPE contracts…
The Gastro Pub - which has led to more disappointing meals and average experiences in recent history than almost anywhere else…
The Chain Pub - which has delivered cheap options, mass production and incentivised shitty drinking habits to the extent that we don’t realise how poor the experience has truly become…
Caveat Time: The Special Pub - Thai, South Asian (British Curry House), Vietnamese or other Non-European Food offer in a pub; this sits a specialist category that is not included in this current categorisation because it has enabled many of the ‘Locals’ to at least survive.
The pub was beautiful in its simplistic nature - draught beer, some bottled offers, wines and spirit-mixers.
It might have had a small kitchen for sandwiches at lunch and a few classics for dinner, if you were lucky... Otherwise it was a place for conviviality and friendship. A place for a few drinks and for community and sadly sometime a touch misogyny thrown in, for which I hope we can consigned to the dustbin of history in the 21st century (fingers crossed).
However, in modern times the pub is beset with mediocrity and an over-complication of offer, not to mention the ever-increasing costs which are inevitably passed onto the end user but can only be stomached for so long… the VAT Man, The Duty Wankers, Leasehold Losers and Business Rate Bastards are stripping almost all the profit from these once revered institutions.
My final and furious ire is reserved for customer service, which has become almost a pastiche of Basil Fawlty and Little Britain…the ignominy of British Service culture at its worst…
Now here’s the crux of the point; in this ever-alarming search for profit and USP we have lost our vision for the pub and tried to bastardise it into something it’s not.
Here’s a list of things that make me feel hateful, unhappy or just downright nervous when I’m in a pub;
1. Cocktails – they have no place
2. Artful faux flowers and Instagram walls
3. Pints that cost more than £10, this used to be £8 but i'm having to update this list.
4. Food Menus with more than 15 items
5. Converse as uniform
6. Anything served on a wooden board
7. People asking me if “I’ve eaten here before”
8. Laminated or Plasti-coated Menus – Curry House caveat still applies
9. Pints priced at stupid pricing - £5.36… f**k off, who are you kidding
10. Team members that don’t smile…
11. After Shock...
However - the American {Dive} Bar system and it’s kin (see brew pubs, tap rooms & sampling venues) have managed to become the superior offer because for better or worse it is self-aware by its very nature; it somehow manages to respect itself without being too serious but offers way more in every aspect.
The American system rightly or wrongly has nailed the thing that we have lost which, makes the experience a balance of customer service, offer and delivery. You can get so much more in a {Dive} Bar and yet somehow it feels simpler and more honest.
If you sit at a bar, in any American town and ask for a drink – regardless of it’s nature (be it a craft beer, cocktail, mixed drink or soft drink) they will deliver it BUT crucially it will be done with style, grace and genuine hospitality.
You can make conversation with the Bartender at ease; your drink will never be empty if you choose. The team will move with purpose and speed, there will not be endless beer taps in the middle of the bar making it impossible to get served. Local offerings will not require a mortgage to purchase. You will feel as if your existence in the bar is integral to the experience rather than an inconvenience.
Most importantly - The product will actually taste good and be delivered with a smile…
You will be made to feel welcome; your story will be interesting (even if it’s not) and you will feel engaged by the experience.
Arguably; this might be the tipping culture incentivising the interaction. This might be the cost implications or lack-thereof in running such businesses in Non-UK systems. Not to mention the cultural aspect of being these jobs being viewed as a profession rather than a part-time job… but I believe we have lost sight of what is honestly enjoyable about pubs.
Once you spend enough time in bars in the US system the offer, service and delivery are matched perfectly to expectation and maybe that’s what we need to focus on.
We have in an attempt to make the pub “A little bit of everything” lost the inherently pub like offer that made it singular in the first place.
The simplicity of well maintain draught beer, well-made drinks, good wine and a bit of food; the delight of serving products we are proud of and drinking with friends rather than trying to disappear into drink filled oblivion.
Just know there are too few places left in this country that can deliver a proper pint and/or experience and I worry that it is not just the pub it is restricted too in Hospitality.
There have been some rocky years in hospitality, I think we are in for a few more! Maybe we need to make our lives a little simpler to really find the pleasure in it again!
Love
Goose
PS – I need a good pint… would be happy to debate this further in person…
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