No point in mincing my words…I am going to be a father!!!
It is a lovely surprise and I am to put it mildly, shitting it but I also find myself overcome with clarity. A calmness has struck me, not because I am in control of anything or I have a great desire to be consistently exhausted for the next 18 years but because I want to focus on something and make our family situation work for me, for TBH (The Better Half) and for The Little Loaf.
The plan for this blog right now is a simple premise – my writings will focus on 2 ideas; my preparations as a father/husband/dad & uncle (my brother has just had his 1st baby) and the nourishing of my wife and unborn child with the most wholesome food I can put together.
Please do not misconstrue my feelings of apprehension and lack of preparation for the birth of my first, as anything other than the normal levels of self-doubt that most people will come to terms with over the 9-month gestation. I am a man whom finds himself in the parenting world with (to borrow a Cricketing analogy) a decent run-up but still wondering…
“What kind of father I will become?”
I certainly will not be bogged down in the tit-for-tat melodrama of diet and what is considered “good” and “bad” food – all you have to do is read Michael Pollen’s book ‘In Defense of Food’ to understand my views of this particular idea.
The overarching idea is simply to nourish the mind, soul and body of TBH and through as much honest home cooking I can actually make, be a part of the experience of growing a human. I cannot for the life of me see any other better way to be a partner to my wife at this time.
It was whilst sitting on a train, attempting to write this first entry a month or so ago – and on reflection I find myself thinking about all the things I have quit or failed at doing along my life.
But as with any moments of quiet reflection; it is easy to chalk this up to internal melancholy or the depressive qualities of beer (I had imbibed two FYI). As I plug in ‘Me for Queen’s - Slow Train’ (this is a school friend musician for whom I have great admiration) into my iPhone and start typing, I simultaneously find myself contemplating the success I see in my friends and my own shortcomings;
I wonder, with internal pretentiousness;
“If this disposition I have to not finish something might be indicative of some personality fault”? And will I transfer this to my child?
I have quit many jobs, failed at many things but my ability to learn and move forward from these disappointments has been fundamental in my career/life so. My focus is always on the graft that is required to actually be successful so I try not to dwell upon because as a wise lady once wrote;
It has been over 2 years since I last published a blog post. Many reasons are attributable to this but honestly, I can just be a bit flaky and disturbingly quick to give up when the times are tough. This can’t be the case anymore so it seems serendipity has presented an opportunity to work on this personality fault.
So why am I making this rambling and overly honest expression of fault at this moment, right now?
Barring any great scientific breakthrough, akin to the below average 1993 DeVito/Swarznegger collaboration; men will never be able to carry babies. So the job we need to do is one of support, provision and comfort. Something I think I can do this very well and seeing as my chosen medium is food I think it should be fun too!
I hope you’ll continue reading and enjoying these posts – as I’m relishing the opportunity of doing this for my family & friends and sharing it with people who might find it interesting.
All the best
Goose